Adventurer’s Book of Christmas Carols
Merry Christmas, fellow adventure gamers!
To help share the joy of this holiday season, we hope you'll join us in a rousing chorus of everyone's favourite Christmas carols. True, we're spread far and wide, but it's the spirit of togetherness that counts. And since it isn't only Christmas that draws us together, we've decided to add a little "adventure" to your caroling pleasure this year. The tunes you all know (and will need to supply yourself), but the words will be just a bit different than you remember them, so we're pleased to present you with both new and old versions for comparison.
So whether you're feeling happy or blue, whether alone or surrounded by good friends and family (though if the latter, you might want to make sure they can tolerate your singing), we invite you to turn the page and follow along as we go caroling... AG-style!
Table of Malcontents
Page 1: You are here (not a carol)
Page 2: Adventure Wonderland (Winter Wonderland)
Page 3: All I Want for Christmas is a Walkthrough (All I Want for Christmas is You)
Page 4: Gabriel the Schattenjäger (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
Page 5: God Rest Ye, Merry Adventurer (God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen)
Page 6: Guybrush the Pirate (Frosty the Snowman)
Page 7: LucasArts Games (White Christmas)
Page 8: O Phoenix Wright (O Holy Night)
Page 9: Ringing Cells (Jingle Bells)
Page 10: Si'lent N'ight (Silent Night)
Page 11: The Twelve Days of Christmas (you guessed it)
Note: We know that some of these are beloved hymns with great spiritual significance, so we half-heartedly apologize in advance for the brazenly irreverent tone of the new lyrics.
Also: You, in the back! I can't hear you singing!!
Adventure Wonderland
(Sung to Winter Wonderland – Lyrics by Steve Brown)
Speakers on, are you listening?
Monitor, brightly glistening
This game is just right
I’m happy tonight
Walking in Adventure Wonderland
Nothing thrills me quite the same
As when I first click New game
No shooters for me
Nor real-time strategy
Walking in Adventure Wonderland
To distract a guard I’ll build a snowman
Dress it up with clothes from Parson Brown
Add an MP3 shouting out “Yo, man!”
With him well out the way, I’ll get around
To advance this great story
I’ll use my inventory
A dialogue tree
Is blissful to me
Walking in Adventure Wonderland
To continue I must be a bowman
But a bow I simply haven’t got
Find some sticks and feathers, string and stone, man!
The PC is the one who’ll take the shot
These plot twists, aren’t they thrilling?
The villains, truly chilling
It just does the trick
That old point-and-click
Walking in Adventure Wonderland.
Winter Wonderland
(Felix Bernard, Richard B. Smith)
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,
In the lane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight,
We're happy tonight.
Walking in a winter wonderland.
Gone away is the bluebird,
Here to stay is a new bird
He sings a love song,
As we go along,
Walking in a winter wonderland.
In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown
He'll say: Are you married? We'll say: No man,
But you can do the job when you're in town.
Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream by the fire
To face unafraid,
The plans that we've made,
Walking in a winter wonderland.
In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he's a circus clown
We'll have lots of fun with mister snowman,
Until the other kids knock him down.
When it snows, ain't it thrilling,
Though your nose gets a chilling
We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way,
Walking in a winter wonderland.
All I Want for Christmas is a Walkthrough
(Sung to All I Want for Christmas is You – Lyrics by Andrew MacCormack)
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the cheating
Or my own abilities
I just want to end this game
Puzzle goats drive me insane
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is… a walkthrough.
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I have got to find a dumb wrench
All I’ve got is a monkey
I'm not always even sure what
I can use so trust to luck
How the heck should I know I need
To retrieve a rubber duck
I just want to reach the end
Before I go ‘round the bend
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is… a walkthrough
(walkthough baby!)
I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even have the time
I'm just gonna keep on trying
Mixing hooks with washing lines
I'm sure that I missed an object
Must have been a pixel hunt
Whoever designed these puzzles
Must have been a real savant
'Cause I just want this done tonight
Stop the Templars, do it right
What more can I do?
Baby all I want for Christmas is… a walkthrough!
Waaaa-lkthroouu-ough
All I Want for Christmas is You
(Mariah Carey, Walter Afanasieff)
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you.
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby
I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
Gabriel, the Schattenjäger
(Sung to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer – Lyrics by Steve Brown)
Gabriel the Schattenjäger
Ran a scruffy old bookshop
Wasn’t a good example
Womaniser, cad and fop
Grace, she tried to reform him
But her efforts all in vain
Gabe never took much notice
Not an easy man to tame
Then one dark New Orleans day
Wolfgang called to say
“Gabe, your destiny’s to fight
All the creatures of the night”
Now he’s a man of purpose
Duty bound by family
Gabriel the Schattenjäger
Solving occult mystery
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
(Johnny Marks)
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.
All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you'll go down in history!
God Rest Ye, Merry Adventurer
(Sung to God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen – Lyrics by Andrew MacCormack)
God rest ye, merry adventurer, let nothing you dismay
If you just use the thing you need, you'll soon be on your way
You'll get it from the stable boy if you give him some hay
Oh, fetch quests give players so much joy, such great joy!
Oh, fetch quests give players so much joy!
To get some hay, head left and down, that’s where you’ll find the smith
He has a great big pile of it and some will not be missed
But you may need to give him first a golden ring forthwith
Oh, fetch quests give players so much joy, such great joy!
Oh, fetch quests give players so much joy!
Now to the elf with magic sword to get the golden ring
The sword you'll get when you return the phoenix to the king
The phoenix will come ‘long with you if you repair his wing
Oh, fetch quests give players so much joy, such great joy!
Oh, fetch quests give players so much joy!
A druid will help heal the wing if you get him some moss
The troll will let you have that when you show your badge says "Boss"
And that a Witch will make for you if you find what she’s lost
Oh, fetch quests give players so much joy, such great joy!
Oh, fetch quests give players so much joy!
Now doing all this gofering would not be such a chore
If you believed it really happened in old times of yore
But you're supposed to be a Prince, it can become a bore!
Oh, fetch quests give players so much joy, such great joy!
Oh, fetch quests give players so much joy!
God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen
(Origin unknown)
God rest ye merry, gentlemen, let nothing you dismay
Remember Christ our Saviour was born on Christmas day
To save us all from Satan's power when we were gone astray
O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy
In Bethlehem, in Israel, this blessed Babe was born
And laid within a manger upon this blessed morn
The which His Mother Mary did nothing take in scorn
O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy
From God our Heavenly Father a blessed Angel came;
And unto certain Shepherds brought tidings of the same:
How that in Bethlehem was born the Son of God by Name.
O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy
"Fear not then," said the Angel, "Let nothing you affright,
This day is born a Saviour of a pure Virgin bright,
To free all those who trust in Him from Satan's power and might."
O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy
The shepherds at those tidings rejoiced much in mind,
And left their flocks a-feeding in tempest, storm and wind,
And went to Bethlehem straightway the Son of God to find.
O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy
And when they came to Bethlehem where our dear Saviour lay,
They found Him in a manger where oxen feed on hay;
His Mother Mary kneeling down, unto the Lord did pray.
O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy
Now to the Lord sing praises, all you within this place,
And with true love and brotherhood each other now embrace;
This holy tide of Christmas all other doth deface.
O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy
Guybrush the Pirate
(Sung to Frosty the Snowman – Lyrics by Steve Brown)
Guybrush the pirate
Was a jolly happy soul
With a yen you see
For great piracy
That career his only goal
Guybrush the pirate
Had to pass the trials three
Swordsmen to defeat
Thievery so neat
Treasure Hunting mastered he
There was nothing Sierra in the attitude to death
For when dropped in deep water Guybrush simply held his breath
O Guybrush the pirate
Won against the dread LeChuck
With a bit of style
And a bit of guile
And a huge amount of luck
Booty, Phatt and Scabb
Booty, Phatt and Scabb
Look at Guybrush go
Booty, Phatt and Scabb
Booty, Phatt and Scabb
Big Whoop he sought to know
Guybrush the pirate
Knew LeChuck he did not slay
So he looked into
A doll of voodoo
Meaning to drive him away
Wooed Elaine Marley
Put a ring upon her hand
To make her his own
It turned her to stone
This was not what he had planned
From streets of Puerto Pollo to the island of the Skull
Another fight with old LeChuck, yes his life was never dull
For Guybrush the pirate
Time had come to turn 3D
Set out to escape
The island of ape
And keep pirates on the sea
Ack, oop, eek and chee
Ack, oop, eek and chee
Guybrush Learns Kombat
Ack, oop, eek and chee
Ack, oop, eek and chee
LeChuck he will knock flat
Frosty the Snowman
(Walter Rollins, Steve Nelson)
Frosty the snowman
Was a jolly happy soul
With a corncob pipe
And a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal
Frosty the snowman
Is a fairy tale they say
He was made of snow
But the children know
How he came to life one day
There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found
For when they placed it on his head he began to dance around
O Frosty the snowman
Was alive as he could be
And the children say
He could laugh and play
Just the same as you and me
Thumpetty thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go
Thumpetty thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Over the hills of snow
Frosty the snowman
Knew the sun was hot that day
So he said "Let's run
And we'll have some fun
Now before I melt away"
Down to the village
With a broomstick in his hand
Running here and there all
Around the square saying
"Catch me if you can"
He led them down the streets of town right to the traffic cop
And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler "Stop!"
For Frosty the snowman
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye saying
"Don't you cry
I'll be back again some day"
Thumpetty thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go
Thumpetty thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Over the hills of snow
LucasArts Games
(Sung to White Christmas – Lyrics by Steve Brown)
I’m dreaming of LucasArts games
Just like the ones I used to know
Melting my grog bottle
Going Full Throttle
To grimly dance the Fandango
I’m dreaming of LucasArts games
Hitting the Road just felt so right
Tentacle of purple, I’d fight
And with Indy, choose wits over might
White Christmas
(Irving Berlin)
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white
O Phoenix Wright
(Sung to O Holy Night - Lyrics by Jack Allin)
O Phoenix Wright! The magatama’s shining
It is the night of a new case’s birth
Long lay the world in sin and murder pining
Now Phoenix needs to oppose Miles Edgeworth
A thrill of hope, his client now rejoices
The gavel rests, the judge is clearly torn
Call out your pleas! O hear the contradictions
O fight each line, O fight until they’re worn
O fight each line, O fight, O fight each line
Scene of the crime, he scours for hidden meaning
The witness lies under oath on the stand
Mia and Pearl, and sometimes Maya teaming
Because they know nothing goes like he planned
The outcome hangs in balance, now in danger
In all our trials right up to the end
Just when it seems this case can get no stranger
To bluffs he clings, with passion he defends
To bluffs he clings, to bluffs, to bluffs he clings
Truly he thought he had made a silly blunder
He lost a point when he started to guess
Chains shall he break that the truth’s straining under
And it is time for objections to press
Sweet hymns of joy when verdict sounds “Not Guilty”
Let all within us praise this DS game
Wright is a lawy’r, O praise the ace attorney
It’s justice for all, the suspect cleared of blame
It’s justice for all, the suspect cleared of blame
O Holy Night
(Adolph Adam, Placide Cappeau)
O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! O hear the angels' voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born;
O night divine, O night, O night Divine.
Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here come the wise men from Orient land.
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friend.
He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King, Behold your King.
Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
Ringing Cells
(Sung to Jingle Bells – Lyrics by Jack Allin)
Dashing through the snow, in a wind-up crazy train
O’er the fields we go, Oscar being a pain
Chasing Hans each day, close but never quite
What fun it is as Kate to play Syberia tonight
Chorus
Ringing cells, ringing cells, ringing all the way
Mom and boss harassing Kate the longer she delays
Ringing cells, ringing cells, ringing all the way
Friend and beau say “oops, oh no” for their roll in the hay
A day or two ago, Miss Walker took a ride
In town so sleepy slow, with contract to be signed
The heir was not around, misfortune seemed her lot
A mammoth toy was all she found with broken down robots
(Chorus)
But once the train set off, she started feeling swell
Until it had to stop, ‘cause that’s when trouble fell
Like thieves and drunken blues, and locks she had to raise
From home came the most shocking news that left her feeling dazed
(Chorus)
Now the time is right, the point of no return
Choice is black or white, one path must she spurn
Naturally she stayed, and raced to climb aboard
Now her next adventure’s in a sequel to the north
(Chorus)
Jingle Bells
(James Lord Pierpont)
Dashing through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh,
O’er the fields we go, laughing all the way.
Bells on bob-tails ring, making spirits bright,
What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight.
Chorus
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh.
A day or two ago, I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright, was seated by my side;
The horse was lean and lank, misfortune seemed his lot;
He got into a drifted bank and then we got upsot
(Chorus)
A day or two ago, the story I must tell
I went out on the snow, and on my back I fell;
A gent was riding by, in a one-horse open sleigh
He laughed as there I sprawling lie but quickly drove away
(Chorus)
Now the ground is white, go it while you're young
Take the girls tonight, and sing this sleighing song;
Just get a bob-tailed bay, two forty as his speed
Hitch him to an open sleigh and crack! you'll take the lead
Chorus
Si’lent N’ight
(Sung to Silent Night – Lyrics by Jack Allin)
Si’lent n’ight, lonely night
All is calm, where am I?
‘Round I see an airship and clock
Complex gizmos wherever I walk
Someone talk to me, pleeee-ease
Someone talk to me, please
Si’lent n’ight, lonely night
No one’s here, wonder why
Nothing seems to work so far
If it did, I’d sing "Alleluia!"
How do I get hooo-ome?
How do I get home?
Si’lent n’ight, lonely night
Learned that I’m on Myst Isle
Books from Atrus link Age to Age
His two sons are trapped in a page
Time to save this wooo-orld
Time to save this world
Silent Night
(Franz Xaver Gruber, Father Josef Mohr, John Freeman Young)
Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
'Round yon virgin mother and Child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace
Silent night, holy night,
Shepherds quake at the sight.
Glories stream from heaven afar,
Heav'nly hosts sing Alleluia;
Christ the Saviour is born
Christ the Saviour is born
Silent night, holy night,
Son of God, love's pure light.
Radiant beams from Thy holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth
The Twelve Days of Christmas
(Lyrics by Jack Allin)
On the first day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
A white bird egg to set free
On the second day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
Two turtle dreams,
And a white bird egg to set free
On the third day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
Three lost skulls,
Two turtle dreams,
And a white bird egg to set free
On the fourth day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
Four branches cursed,
Three lost skulls,
Two turtle dreams,
And a white bird egg to set free
On the fifth day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
Five sacred rings,
Four branches cursed,
Three lost skulls,
Two turtle dreams,
And a white bird egg to set free
On the sixth day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
Six games a season,
Five sacred rings,
Four branches cursed,
Three lost skulls,
Two turtle dreams,
And a white bird egg to set free
On the seventh day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
Seven guests a-staying,
Six games a season,
Five sacred rings,
Four branches cursed,
Three lost skulls,
Two turtle dreams,
And a white bird egg to set free
On the eighth day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
Eight-bits invading,
Seven guests a-staying,
Six games a season,
Five sacred rings,
Four branches cursed,
Three lost skulls,
Two turtle dreams,
And a white bird egg to set free
On the ninth day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
Nine muses lasting,
Eight-bits invading,
Seven guests a-staying,
Six games a season,
Five sacred rings,
Four branches cursed,
Three lost skulls,
Two turtle dreams,
And a white bird egg to set free
On the tenth day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
Ten sailors missing,
Nine muses lasting,
Eight-bits invading,
Seven guests a-staying,
Six games a season,
Five sacred rings,
Four branches cursed,
Three lost skulls,
Two turtle dreams,
And a white bird egg to set free
On the eleventh day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
Eleventh hour chiming,
Ten sailors missing,
Nine muses lasting,
Eight-bits invading,
Seven guests a-staying,
Six games a season,
Five sacred rings,
Four branches cursed,
Three lost skulls,
Two turtle dreams,
And a white bird egg to set free
On the twelfth day of Christmas, the genre gave to me
Vince Twelve’s adventure,
Eleventh hour chiming,
Ten sailors missing,
Nine muses lasting,
Eight-bits invading,
Seven guests a-staying,
Six games a season,
Five sacred rings,
Four branches cursed,
Three lost skulls,
Two turtle dreams,
And a white bird egg to set free
The Twelve Days of Christmas
(Origin unknown)
Last verse
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree